I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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