He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
