If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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