The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
