I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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