3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We are two peas in an std pod
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
