pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
high people should be assigned attendants
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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