Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
