"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
