Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
