im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
