how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
