I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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