oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
