I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i out mim tonsoeep
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