just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
