In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
