woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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