These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
