i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
