Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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