dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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