she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
