shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
