i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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