then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
