His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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