i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
