Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
