The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
