GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
