Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
