So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
