i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
