nut hugger
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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