Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
