you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
