Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
