brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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