everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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