I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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