I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
