I can't watch pbs sober anymore
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
