I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
