He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
