I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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