So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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