Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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