I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
