I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
