I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
