Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Lo siento on account of my penis...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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