Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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