Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
