Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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